


Secrets

by Yourwritersblock



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Established Relationship, Kevin is a great friend, M/M, Neil is still a liar after all this time smh, breakup fic with a happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-24
Updated: 2018-10-24
Packaged: 2019-08-06 22:42:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,975
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16396469
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yourwritersblock/pseuds/Yourwritersblock
Summary: Neil was sitting on the couch, packed duffle bag between his feet. Andrew stared at him for a moment before whatever was happening clicked in his brain. “You’re leaving,” he stated, voice as bored and devoid of emotion as it always was.“Yes,” Neil said, “I’m leaving.”





	Secrets

**Author's Note:**

> Hey :) Come yell at me at yourwritersblock on Tumblr!

His eyes had been the first thing Andrew ever noticed about Neil. The ring of piercing blue that the contacts couldn’t cover made him unknown; a threat. Later, Andrew noticed when Neil took the muddy brown off of his irises and gave him a sliver of honesty. A while after that, Andrew noticed the quiet adoration in them when Neil looked at him as though Andrew were something precious.

Now, six years after Baltimore, Andrew noticed how Neil’s sharp blue eyes looked flat and cold. Something had changed in the last two weeks; Andrew just didn’t know what it was.  

It had started quietly, as all bad things did in Andrew’s experience. He’d started waking up in the middle of the night to find Neil curled in on himself and pressed against the very edge of the bed. This wouldn’t have been unusual when they had first started sharing a bed, but in the six years of their not-thing, both of them had become used to the idea, and often woke up curled around each other.

Neil’s morning runs had become longer and longer after he slipped out of their shared bed at the crack of dawn and when he eventually made his way home, he didn’t saunter into the bedroom to annoy Andrew with sweaty morning kisses.

Andrew could feel Neil pull away from him. He didn’t want to turn Neil back into a liar by tainting his “always yes”s with “no”s, so Andrew stopped asking him for the meager affection they tended to share. Neil always came home though, so Andrew chalked it up to something that Neil had to work through on his own.

 

\----

 

Practise had been gruelling, despite Andrew’s lack of effort, and by the time he got home he was ready to collapse onto the couch and watch whatever terrible movie had caught Neil’s attention. 

“Kevin just-” he heard Neil from the other room when he pushed the front door open. It was unusual for Neil to be voluntarily speaking to Kevin at all. “I just need-” he cut himself off in frustration and Andrew heard the squeak of springs as Neil sat on the edge of the bed. Neil tried a few more times to say whatever it was that he needed to say before settling on: “he keeps telling me this is nothing anyway, and he’s not actually in love with me so this is for the best.”

Andrew let the door fall shut behind him and Neil’s phone call came to an abrupt end. Neil wandered into the kitchen where Andrew was pulling cartons of ice cream out of the freezer. Neil’s words were racing through his head and Andrew was trying to understand them when he turned to the other man. His thoughts ground to a halt when his eyes met Neil’s. The blue was rimmed in red, and bags sat like black smudges under his eyes. Andrew had never seen Neil cry, and an old old conversation sprung to mind.

_ I saw Matt crying today. _

_ And? _

_ Sometimes I wonder if I’m broken. I’ve only cried once since I was eight, and even then I was literally having my face melted off with a dashboard lighter. _

_ I’m sure Riko was heartbroken that he couldn’t squeeze a few tears out of you during your little stint at Evermore. _

_ Like Riko was worthy of my tears. _

Neil’s cold eyes dropped to the ground and broke contact, but the implication that he had been crying sent Andrew’s pulse racing.

One of the cats rubbed against Andrew’s leg and began demanding some of whatever Andrew was holding. “If you don’t feed your cat I will poison it with ice cream,” Andrew said. Neil usually smiled and rolled his eyes when Andrew claimed that he didn’t care about the cats, but his statement had Neil chewing on his bottom lip and slipping around Andrew to pull the bag of cat food from the cupboard.

Neil’s phone went off in his back pocket and Neil startled before he yanked it out and killed the call. A few seconds later a text message pinged on Neil’s cell and his face twisted. He slammed his finger down onto the call button and snarled the word “don’t” over the line, hanging up a second later. 

Andrew jerked his chin up in a silent demand for an explanation but Neil breathed in, chest hitching and walked out of the house.

He didn’t come back that night.

The next day passed slowly and Andrew spent practise picking his feelings apart. Did he care that he’d slept alone? Was what Neil had said about Andrew not loving him true? Andrew didn’t know how to love, but what he felt for Neil was… unique, and important. It had been years since he had drawn up the conclusion that if it was Neil, then he didn’t want to be alone. That decision had only cemented itself  in Andrew’s mind over time.

He sped home, pushing his newest expensive car as far as it could go. Whatever was going on with Neil wasn’t something he could work through on his own. The front door was unlocked when he pulled it open. Muted relief washed over Andrew; Neil had at least come home.

“Neil,” he called into the house, throwing his shoes in the alcove by the door. He didn’t get a response, and the relief dulled into a cold unease. Andrew allowed himself a second to feel it before pushing the sensation away.

The cats were meowing in the living room and they never seemed to leave Neil alone when he was home, so Andrew made his way through the house.

Neil was sitting on the couch, packed duffle bag between his feet. Andrew stared at him for a moment before whatever was happening clicked in his brain. “You’re leaving,” he stated, voice as bored and devoid of emotion as it always was.

“Yes,” Neil said, “I’m leaving.”

“Why?” Andrew felt panic running like static in his fingers. His throat felt tight. It was too similar to how he’d felt after the riot and Andrew crossed his arms to avoid lashing out.

Indecision played over Neil’s features, a war raging in his eyes. “I can’t-” he cut himself off. “Maybe I'm just craving affection,” he said at length.

Andrew didn't stop him when he left. 

He lay in bed that night, running his hand over Neil's side of the bed. It was cold, and Andrew felt nausea roil in his gut. Andrew was drifting off when his ringtone shattered the silence. He rolled over and grabbed it from the night stand. Kevin was calling. Andrew debated cancelling the call, wishing it was ringing with a certain custom ringtone instead. 

“What,” he answered. 

“You really can't let this get between you,” came the reply. 

“Neil wanting something I can't give him is more than something that could merely ‘get between us’.”

Silence rang over the line like static. “What are you talking about?”

“He,” Andrew paused, searching for the right words, “broke up with me because he wants more affection than I could ever offer him. He's tired of being held at arm's length.”

“That's not why he-” Kevin made a frustrated sound. “He didn't tell you.”

Andrew sat up. “Oh Kevin, why is it that you always seem to know Neil's secrets when I do not?”

“Because he doesn't care about me. His life can't hurt me.”

Andrew didn't respond. 

“Just come get him,” Kevin sighed, “he's crashing in my spare room.”

Andrew was out of bed and on the road within minutes. It was a two hour drive to Kevin’s apartment, but Andrew cut it down to an hour and a half. He pulled up outside Kevin’s building and threw the car into park. Boiling fury had fueled him on the drive over, but now that Neil was a mere elevator ride away, it flooded from his blood stream. 

He sat in the car for a few minutes before making his way upstairs. Kevin lived on the seventeenth floor, and the glass elevator sent Andrew already unsteady pulse tripping over itself. Kevin answered the door after the third knock. 

“Oh thank fuck you’re here,” he exhaled, “Neil crying is not something I have the emotional capability to deal with.”

“It’s unlike you to be so self aware,” Andrew said distractedly as he stepped into the apartment. Kevin pointed him in the direction of the spareroom. Andrew eased the door open and stepped into the dark room. Neil was curled up on his side under the sheets, and Andrew took a moment to sweep his eyes over the hill of Neil’s hip and the valley of his waist. Neil’s slow, steady breathing couldn’t be faked; he was fast asleep.

He must have been exhausted, because both Andrew and Neil were the type of people to wake at the slightest disturbance. Andrew dropped down on the bed a few inches away from Neil and his fingers itched to reach out and run themselves through Neil’s copper locks. “Neil,” he said, “Neil, wake up.”

Neil’s eyes fluttered open, pupils blown wide from sleep. They narrowed into pinpricks when he caught sight of Andrew and he pushed himself into a sitting position. “Andrew,” his voice faltered, “What are you doing here?”

“I came back for my lying rabbit.”

The sharp inhale that Neil sucked into his lungs betrayed his anxiety. “I didn’t want to lie to you.”

“So why did you really leave? Do you really think I don’t-” Andrew swallowed the rest of the sentence. “We’ve been doing this long enough that I expect honesty. If you really want me out of your life, I’ll go, but I at least deserve to know why.”

Neil buried his face in his knees. “I don’t,” he said, words dripping with pain. “I don’t want you out of my life.”

“So why?” Andrew asked, startled by the desperation leaking into his voice.

Neil dropped his hand on the bed and curled his fingers in invitation. Andrew slotted his fingers in between Neil’s. “Why?” he repeated.

“I don’t know how he found out,” Neil whispered. “Ichirou found out about our first Columbia trip. Someone sent him a video of Nicky shoving drugs into my mouth.”

They had long since discussed Nicky’s forced kiss, but it still sent a familiar bubble of anger through Andrew’s heart. “And?”

“And Ichirou knows you… orchastated it. He knows that if that video leaks my career will be greatly impacted. Mostly he doesn’t trust you though. What evidence does he have that you won’t do something like that again? And if you do, his investment is over.”

Andrew swallowed around the glass in his throat. “So he threatened to kill you if you stay with me? That makes no sense.”

The look Neil shot him made him feel as though he had said something stupid. “No, he’ll kill you and I-” a tear slipped over Neil’s scarred cheek and he lifted the hand that was still entwined with Andrew’s to scrub it away. “I can’t lose you.”

“And you think I can lose you?” Neil’s gaze jerked to Andrew’s eyes in surprise. “You can’t think you’re the only one who wants this?”

A smile tugged at Neil’s lips and he threw himself at Andrew, who caught him in a hug and fisted his hands in the back of Neil’s shirt. Andrew pressed Neil as close to his chest as he could until he felt the pulse of Neil’s heart against his own. “Let’s go home,” Andrew murmured into his hair.

“But-”

“Don’t worry,” Andrew said, “Ichirou loves deals and I’m good at making them. It’ll be fine.”

Andrew could acknowledge the selfishness of his plan, but it was reciprocated by Neil, who didn’t once loosen his grip around Andrew’s waist.  

  
  
  
  



End file.
